Calvin Mountain
Mr. Anderson
English 2B
1-30-2012
Some people just don’t
realize how lucky they are; food, shelter, friends and family. This is for the
benefit of one Sylvia who doesn’t seem to realize how lucky she is. Sylvia is a
16 year old girl that wishes to be emancipated from her home on the grounds
that she is restricted, cramped and her boyfriend is in college. Sylvia should
stay home because if she was to move out then chances are that she will be more
limited, less comfortable and less likely to get through to college.
The first reason Sylvia
wants to leave is because she is restricted by her parents, but the truth is
that although she would be free of her “restrictive parents”, she could have
many other greater restrictions. “63% of all emancipated children end up on
drugs or in the hospital with permanently damaging injuries within only 6
months. “Within 6 months… 63% are on drugs, or in the hospital with permanent
damage.” (Emancipated children protected?) Sylvia would not have the odds in
favor of her being “Healthy” when she reaches 17 if she wants to move out. She
should stay home because she would likely be less restricted than if she was to
move out.
Another reason Sylvia
should stay home is although she feels cramped now she is likely to be more
“uncomfortable than before. She is likely to be more uncomfortable than before.
She could be in jail, homeless or involved in human trafficking before 1 year
of her leaving has passed. “ Less than one year after emancipation an estimated 10% of girls are
involved with human trafficking… 60% are homeless and 10 % are in jail.” (Post emancipation
statistics) These numbers show that she
is likely to be less comfortable than before if she leaves. Sylva doesn’t seem
to realize that her life could be much worse, therefore she should stay.
Sylvia should stay at
home because her chances of going to college would be very poor if she was to
leave. The emancipated children committee did a study that showed very few
emancipated children go to college, much less finish. “…25% of emancipated
children go to college and just 31% of the 25% actually graduate.” (EEC & Graduation study) This shows that
only 25% of all emancipated children go to college and only 31% of those
continue on to graduation. Sylvia should stay home because it would greatly
improve her chances of going to and graduation from college like her boyfriend
is doing.
Sylvia Should stay home
because she will probably end up being more limited, uncomfortable and unlikely
to get to and through college. Sylvia feels restricted now, but if she leaves
she is likely to be more restricted just in different ways. She also feels trapped but if she was to be
emancipated she be in jail or involved in human trafficking or homeless within
6 months. This young girl feels that her boyfriend being in college has a bearing;
if she stays home she will have good chances of going to college and be with
him. In conclusion Sylvia should stay home because her life would be much
harder if she was to leave.
I would say that this essay deserves a 3. I felt that the writer did a great job at following the key structure and had good reasoning within each paragraph. However at the same time some of the quotes said the same exact thing twice, which frankly made reading it confusing. Also the punctuation, specifically around the quotes, needed imporvemnt.
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