Thursday, January 26, 2012

Caitlyn Burns!

                My Dearest Sylvia,

It has come to my attention that you (Silvia) have been seriously considering emancipation for a number of silly reasons.  After some severe, migraine potential, thinking on my part,  I have done what any, good for nothing, self respecting boyfriend would do and have developed these Earth-Shattering reasons for you to pursue this silly notion of yours. I think emancipation is a good idea for you because; Your sister is creepy, you lack the personal freedom you require in order to pursue your passions, and you won’t even have to find a dumpy apartment seeing as one had already been provided.
                One of the reasons you should opt for emancipation involves your creepy sister. Your sister has a very upsetting childhood and, I fear, has developed an unhealthy craving for human flesh. This type of fetish is typically identified as cannibalism which is frowned upon if not illegal in most countries. I greatly worry about the fact that you share a room with your severely messed up sister, she will either be a horrible influence on your person, or she will end up eating you. Your creepy sister is my first reason as to why you need to move out!
                Another reason for you to pursue emancipation is your personal freedom. You have very controlling parents who have completely forbidden you from following your dream and becoming a mercenary. These parents of yours are set in their ways and want you to become a plumber. They would rather watch you die than bear the shame of having you pursue your dreams. I think you should divorce your parents because of your lack of personal freedom.
                One final reason for you becoming emancipated is that you won’t even have to worry about finding suitable living quarters seeing as I have graciously offered you the use of my humble abode. My meager dwelling is equipped with three bedrooms, twenty bathrooms, thirteen kitchens and ninety torture chambers so I suppose I could lend a pretty girl the use of my personal space and help a fellow victim of today’s economy. You may have to deal with me leaving the toilet lid up from time to time and avoid any ‘science experiments’ left in the refrigerator, but, other than that, I am an almost tidy person. Because you won’t have to worry about finding an appropriate abode, you should move out of your parent’s house.
                As you can see, my conclusion stated that you should move out because your sister is a cannibal who will either corrupt you, or eat you. Your parents want you to e a plumber instead of a mercenary, thus restricting your personal freedom. Plus, appropriate lodgings are not an issue whatsoever because you have an amazing boyfriend (AKA me) and I will be more than happy to let you use my living quarters! . I think emancipation is a good idea for you because; Your sister is creepy, you lack the personal freedom you require in order to pursue your passions, and you won’t even have to find a dumpy apartment seeing as one had already been provided. So, take your fate into your own hands and move out!
Love,
Dilbert, your boyfriend!

2 comments:

  1. I think this is a 4. Because you put your personality in it, made it interesting to read, and it was well written. Followed the key awesomely (:

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  2. I think this is a 3, you stated your side of the argument and stuck to your opinion very well. Just make sure that the main point of the paper doesn't get lost. :) Good job!

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