Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Sammie Bickel

Sammie Bickel
Mr. A
Eng 2B

Want to be emancipated? To be emancipated is to kick yourself out of the house, by law, when you are a minor. Well, in Sylvia’s case, she should forget about being emancipated. It would be best for Sylvia to stay home because she has a low percentage of finding a job and home, it’s very dangerous being out in the world, and it would grow her patience to stay home.

One reason Sylvia should consider not to emancipate herself at 16 is because she would have a difficult time trying to find a job and apartment. According to a survey conducted by the J.F.B. (Job Finding Bureau), 90% of employers won’t accept minors to work for them. And the 10% that allows persons under the age of 18 to work, the punk employee will only receive 50% of what adults would normally earn. And with the prices of apartments rising, it would be next to impossible to have enough money to pay for the rent, water bill, electrical bill, and have money left over for food and recreation! If you ask me, Sylvia would either turn out to be a really skinny kid with a roof over her head or a well-fed hobo who lives in a cardboard box. So, Sylvia would be better off not leaving home because of the crazy job and apartment search she would go through.

Another important reason why Sylvia should stay home is because of the potential dangers she could encounter. The IRS is one of the most dangerous group of people. They love money so much that they leave nasty phone calls and emails for fun. And when they’re blood-thirsty for it, they go to great lengths and personally rob you of your money with their special platagator (an extremely dangerous animal that is a platypus mixed with an alligator). The number one place they like to go to is the poor emancipated kids’ homes who are barely making a living. To avoid this dangerous encounter, Sylvia should rethink of being emancipated.

Lastly, Sylvia needs to reconsider being emancipated because she can learn a life-long lesson of patience. What do you get when you cross a small bedroom with an annoying sibling? You get patience. If Sylvia moves out, she will have everything to herself. And if she is by herself, she won’t need to exercise her patience. But if she stays home, Sylvia will be able to extend her patience from her time she spends being bugged by her sister. A benefit for building patience when your young is that 90% of people who exercise their patience will usually get through many more situations than people who have little patience. So, it’s best to build patience by staying home and not being emancipated.

All in all, it would be in Sylvia’s best interest to not be emancipated at 16 for many reasons. If she is trying to get a job and rent an affordable apartment, she will have a very low chance of getting what she needs. Also, it’s safer to be protected by your parents from two deadly creatures. Furthermore, it would be best if Sylvia grew her patience with her sister. Now, it’s up to Sylvia to make a decision. Hopefully, it’s a wise one...


  1. This essay was a little weak mostly due to the reason it addressed the wrong audience. Who exactly are you trying to persuade? It doesn't matter what I think, it matters what Sylvia thinks. It also didn't provide very much information in the beginning. The point of an introduction is to make the reader understand the situation, that way you can focus completely on persuading your audience instead of explaining the situation. The last thing that I wanted to mention was your SWF, the SWF should provide a sort of final punch so to speak. The best way to persuade someone is to explain your stance, slowly work on the person's resolve to disagree, then deliver a final punch that destroys their last defenses and leave them doubting their own opinion. I thought this essay fell just a little short of 4, meaning I would assign a COS of 3.

  2. I liked this essay a lot. I would rate it a 3 because you should address this paper to her and not to us. Your facts are good and you might want to add quotes in just to mix it up with your summaries. Great essay!

  3. I would have to agree with Daniel who are you trying to address?


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